Just A Little Girl
by LyricsArePoetry
Summary: Song-fic. Jude's POV post-Cara's death


Just A Little Girl:  
(Jude's POV)

**You never cared to hear the other side  
So why would you care to keep this thing alive?  
You paint me into the memory of all your pain  
But I will not be drawn into the past again**

Why was she still on my mind? This didn't make any sense. Cara Imega was nothing. She was just a Cross. Nothing more at all, just a dragger. She was better off dead. Jude's Law number 14; The only good Cross is a dead Cross. So of course it was good that Cara was dead. It had to be good, she's a Cross, just a Cross. Nothing more.

She was caring, and sweet, and pretty. NO! Jude McGregor stop it. Cara was nothing. She was nothing. That girl was nothing. Her soft eyes...No she was nothing. Nothing.

**Cause all of this is all that I can take  
And you could never understand the demons that I face  
So go ahead and bat your eyes and lie right to the world  
For with everything you are, you're just a little girl**

She was nothing special. She had all that fake sympathy, pretending to care about me and what my life was like. She could never understand what it's like to be a nought. She's a lucky dagger, she's on the inside.. She _was _I should say, she no longer is. She's dead now. Lying in her grave with bruises all over her, maybe broken bones and whatnot. That was a good thing. She was just another Cross. Worse. She was worse than some Crosses because she drew me in. She drew me in, batting her eyelids, and smiling sweetly.

Oh but it was such a lovely smile. She was so beautiful though.

No, no. Jude, this isn't you. Stop this. You don't have feelings for a Cross. There was nothing good about her, she was just a naive Cross who thought she knew what she was talking about when she didn't have a clue.

**I never meant for you to feel this way  
The Decembers were never meant to be our graves  
It's not a question of who is wrong and what is right  
But time can not heal what you will never recognize**

I didn't plan to kill her, though. She was nothing special, so it's no major loss that she's got. But I didn't plan to kill her. Just planned to get close to her and take her money. I never planned to kill her. What does it matter? Why the hell am I still thinking about some stupid Cross? I've killed many Crosses and never even thought twice about it, it was one less Cross to worry about. So why the hell am I still thinking about her? Why is it like she's important.

Because she isn't. She really isn't. She's a Cross. A dead Cross. She deserved to die. She deserved to. She did.

**Cause all of this is all that I can take  
And you could never understand the demons that I face  
So go ahead and bat your eyes and lie right to the world  
For with everything you are, you're just a little girl**

When I looked at Cara, I didn't always see a Cross. Sometimes she was just Cara, just another person. She was comforting, she was caring, she was loving.

_Loving. _I mentally hit myself for simply thinking that. Crosses aren't loving, not to noughts. Cara wasn't like that. She wasn't comforting, she was a way of getting money. She was caring, she was patronising. She wasn't loving, she was a lying. She was a Cross. A stupid know-it-all Cross, who knew nothing. She was nothing.

So why was my mind still on her? Why was I still thinking about her?

**So go ahead and cry, go ahead believe that you are right  
To keep away the dark  
To help you sleep tonight  
Go on and decide  
Who is wrong, what is right  
Cause you know inside**

I don't care about her. Of course I don't. Jude's law number one; never allow yourself to feel. Feelings kill. I don't feel anything for her but hatred. Of course I hate her, I hate her like I hate Kamal and Persephone Hadley, like I hate every Cross both dead and alive. Hate was a great feeling, it keeps purpose. All I have to do if keep hold of that hate and nothing else, then I'll stick to my purpose. Then I'll be all right.

But how do I forget Cara? How do I forget this stupid woman?

**Cause all of this is all that I can take  
And you could never understand the demons that I face  
So go ahead and bat your eyes and lie right to the world  
For with everything you are  
**This is madness. She's nothing. She's no one...

..But she's Cara. She's Cara Imega. She's the owner of a chain of stores...

..She's a Cross...

..She's a person...

...She's a Cross...

..She's loving...

..She's a Cross..

...She's understanding...

..She's a Cross...

..I love her...

**Cause all of this is all that I can take  
And you could never understand the demons that I face  
So go ahead and bat your eyes and lie right to the world  
For with everything you are, you're just a little girl.**

What the hell? Where did that come from? That can't be right. If that's true then I've broken ever rule. Every law. Everything I believe it.

It's just a slip up. It must just be a slip up. How did I fall in love with a Cross?

I have to forget her now, forget I ever met her, forget I ever knew her, forget she even existed.


End file.
